How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
