Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
And then he peed in my hair
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