we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
