dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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