I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
