Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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