i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
