GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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