I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
