I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
