his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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