First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize