she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
