Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
