If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
