It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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