I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize