we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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