I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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