you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
