Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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