I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
