Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
