It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I currently don't understand fingers.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
