I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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