Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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