Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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