everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
