A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
