Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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