all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
