So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
