yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize