Umm I'm too high to move.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize