I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
