Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
