I think I died a long time ago.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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