i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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