I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
