i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize