Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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