I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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