Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
