so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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