The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
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