just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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