This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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