so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
