you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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