I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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