You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
