what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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