I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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