I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize