Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
