what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
