My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
