please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
