I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
