Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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