is your mom at the bar?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I could make wine with my vomit
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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