dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
