what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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