There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
