My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
